i'm sitting on my couch and i'm so bored. it's 11 30 pm, i'm waiting for mike to come home. everyday it's school for him from 4:30 pm to 1:30 am. so we're on a completely different schedule from what we did in roch.
so anyways, got me thinking. all the noise off. just my thoughts. i can't believe life. what our lives have become. i guess for me, a place i never thought i'd be. first off, married. ha. never thought i would be married. growing up i was always, "katie cass, never having a boyfriend, and certainly never getting married" how that became, not sure, but sitting here over a year that i have been married, feeling so content and happy. to start our "new" life together out here in Cali, has been so awesome. we're the same people but more "together" more "connected" it seems. i could not imagine my life with anyone else nor would i want to.
Secondly, feeling disappointed in relying so heavily on my own plans. I guess I just thought everything would just fall into place, jobs, music opportunities, money, and i'm sitting here, very down. Cause for some reason all my life i thought forsure by age 25 i would have been doing something amazing in music and that area of my life and i'm sitting here, completely opposite. not doing music and never having done anything 'amazing" with music. not really sure what "amazing" means, but I know there would be a feeling of happiness and contentment if i had done something. who knows the future and i've come to the point of just living for today. who cares about tomorrow...we'll figure that out when it comes, if it comes.
but on the other hand, not trying to plan the future...i do also know that time has come to get education. I have no idea exactly what i'll go for but i'm going to start...again. ha.
i have never thought of my time in all the places i've lived to be a waste of time at all, but i do wish i was a little smarter, instead of just thinking that experience was enough, to have a little backing with education to go along with the experience. I'm realizing more and more that i'm never going to get a "good" job or one that i really want with limited knowledge of the areas that mean the most to me. so i'm starting school. hopefully i can still get a full semester of credits even though i'm getting a late start or at least 2 or 3 classes and start full next semester. mike and I love the idea of starting careers, for the most part, at the same time. he'll be done in a year and i'll be done in 2 years (that is if i don't continue to get my BA in something)
I'm still working on getting a job, as well, part time though, so i can focus on the school. I haven't heard from any jobs yet, which is crazy to me, but i'm not complaining about the down time i have had. i'm ready to start something. to do something.
I am also wanting to get my songs recorded so I'm trying to work on that as well. So for everyone who has ever asked if i have a cd...i can say "yea, here...5 bucks suckers" ha ha...family and friends...3 bucks for you. ha j/k.
so that's kind of an update/thoughts blog...i'm excited to, again, start a new chapter in a new chapter. ha.
2 comments:
Be cool stay in school
its ironic when things dont go how we hoped, dreamed, planned, wished.....the way our paths and thoughts change in that "limbo" period....ways we never would have been directed had we stayed the course of the expected. I remember writing a journal entry once about the definition/word limbo....part of the def I read was "prolonged uncertainty" and I think its in those times where our redirection is ordained. Sometimes hope is rediscovered in the waiting, in the questions and sometimes its hard to tell the difference between surrendering our dreams and just plain being broken-hearted that what we dreamed of may not happen...I'm still trying to work through most of that myself....that is why we need to grab coffee and chat :).....
and by the way, I'm a great rep for you so Ill need a case of those CD's to sell for ya!
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